he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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