i was born a porn star she said
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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