I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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