Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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