We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
