you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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