There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
