kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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