My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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