mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
