i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
