I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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