Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
