so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This baby is an asshole
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
