i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
