I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So many bounce houses so little time
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
