so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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