So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When did angry sex become our thing?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
