I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize