Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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