Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
