Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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