thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
