Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize