i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
