you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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