K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
