So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
