I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
