Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
