I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
