He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
