I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
