you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
