Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
