I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
