2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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