it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
