and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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