listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I will be naked everywhere
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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