I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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