Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
