Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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