well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
