This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
