Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
