Are we in a gay sports bar?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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