from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
