The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize