the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
