hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My vagina is very pro this idea