i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The uberlube is also flammable
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.