Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.