For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic