Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.