Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more