he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So much rum. So many feels.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness