he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
