i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I touched a dick in church today
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
