Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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