i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
