its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am midnight drunk by noon
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
