Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry phitillidie hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(818): View more from California

i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body

Fav 4 1353 957
share tweet
(530): View more from California

Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake

Fav 27 1762 906
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(760): View more from California

i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them

Fav 7 859 2008
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'

Fav 15 892 2845
share tweet
(312): View more from Illinois

you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?

Fav 40 919 3513
share tweet
(989): View more from Michigan

I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?

Fav 10 1370 4109
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He's only a little bit crosseyed.

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.

Fav 3 1306 3058
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

you win some, you lose some.

Fav 2 595 669
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka

Fav 0 46 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT